Fuckboy. A term that did not exist a few years ago but has so much meaning now. Every single woman in her 20’s and 30’s knows the term and likely has a handful of these fuckboys in her life. Notice that the term is not “fuckman”. That’s on purpose. There are probably some single ladies reading who are having trouble determining if they’re wasting their time on a fuck boy or not. Well I am here to help with some tips on how to spot a fuckboy. For the single male audience reading this, if you relate to any of the warning signs below, chance are you a …. well you know. And sorry for the language, but it just seems silly to sugar coat it and type f**kboy, so you all get the unedited version.
Here are some surefire ways to tell if he is a fuckboy.
Note: You may also wish to study the above “Anatomy of a Fuckboy” diagram before diving into this post.
They are named “Boo”, or in this case “boo” with a lowercase “b”. Followers of this blog will know that it is my pet peeve when a guy fails to capitalize his name. Grammar and Attention to Details 101 -failure! Also, beware of the ” I am moving to your area” line. These fuckboys use it as an attempt to suggest “gosh baby aren’t you lucky I am coming out your way, maybe it’s meant to be”. It’s not. They have used that line on every female in a 30 mile radius before using it on you.
Along similar lines, they are named “daddy”. Notice a trend? Again, not capilitized. I’m telling you all, there is a science to this.
They have a bedroom pillow on head selfie on their profile. Like “see how sexy I am? I woke up like this and you could wake up next to this after our one night stand”. Tempting, but no.
And speaking of selfies, here is another fuckboy warning sign: he has a selfie in the bathroom. This guy takes it even further with a selfie right above the toilet. He’s not even hiding it. He knows he is a fuckboy:
Another good way to spot a fuckboy…. he has a photo of himself and tiger in his profile. Only the ladies who are avid participants in online dating will understand this (and LOL). But the photo with the tiger is like the equivalent of a “basic” chick taking a duck face photo.
And since we mentioned duck face photos, that is warning sign too. No man (notice the term “man”) hoping to be taken seriously in the dating world should have a duckface photo.
Another hint hidden in the above screenshot: they discuss future plans in the intro messages. Points were given for proper use of “You’re”, but then shortly afterward taken away for lack of the”?” at the end of sentences 2 and 3.
Fuckboys will also try to use their dick to lure you in. You can also refer back to my post about dick pics if you want to know more. This was profile picture people. Geez. Eyeroll. And… zoom in. 🙂
This one is a little less obvious but still just as fuckboy desperate when they have to stress to you how big they are down there.
Again, notice the “I’m in your area line”. Lastly, fuckboys are common users of Kik, a messaging app, because patiently exchanging messages via the dating app/website and eventually getting to the point where you can ask for a girl’s number is just too much work.
And this will be obvious, but should still be noted: The fuckboys will have no shame in sending you a dick pic in the middle of the day:
Note the context of this screen shot above. We were having a nice adult conversation about a job interview I had and then BOOM dick pic as a nice surprise upon returning to my desk at 2:30 in the afternoon on a Wednesday.
The infamous late night text from a guy from your past is a surefire way to confirm he is a fuckboy.
Fuckboys also have a language of their own. It has not been fully translated yet because the evolution of the fuckboy is still relatively new, but so far we know that fuckboys seem to have an aversion for vowels:
(translation: Good morning baby)
They also make up their own punctuation marks. How clever and innovative:
Another common trend in the fuckboy vocabulary is “yummy”. If you ladies get a “yummy” in the first message…. run, block, delete. Do whatever you need to do to get away.
Can you spot a fuckboy by his choice of career? Sure you can!……In the world of online dating there is a hugely disproportionate number of ridiculously good looking doctors. I am willing to make a bet that most of them are fuckboys in disguise who are really not doctors. Or, maybe I am going to the wrong doctors because I have never seen a doctor like this. And a tip for any REAL male doctors who are single and online dating: don’t make the below your headline. It takes away your credibility and reeks of fuckboy.
With all the telltale warning signs mentioned above for how to spot a fuckboy, you’re probably asking “How do smart, self respecting women fall for these clowns?” . It is also fair to ask “why would a woman even bother with a fuckboy if they see all the signs and know very well that is he one?” Here’s your answer:
Us women are “fixers” and we like projects. That coupled with the fact that us smart, successful women (like yours truly) think that we are special makes for a dangerous combination and cycle of what I’d refer to as “fostering fuckboys”. That’s right, taking them under our wing and committing to them just long enough to catch feelings and think we are going to change them. Doesn’t work. Fuckboy is not curable. There are a lot of women out there who are self proclaimed (or closet)fuckboy whisperers. We can’t help it.
Ladies- I hope you learned something. Study up, take notes and proceed in the dating world with caution.
Men- Time for a little self reflection.
You’re welcome!
🙂