Though most of them are pretty bad too. But this post is about the dating apps themselves and all the things that are not so great about them. People often ask me what online dating is like. This post will give some good insight into that. See, along with digging through the millions of profiles of people who supposedly fit your search criteria, you also have to deal with the quirks of all the online dating apps. Here is my list of the things I dislike most about online dating apps:
It’s way too easy to mistakenly “Super-like” someone. On the swiping apps like Tinder, Bumble, or the Facebook dating app (yes, there is a Facebook dating app, and yes, sadly I have tried that out too), it is ridiculously too easy to accidentally hit the “Super-like” button. For those wondering what a “Super-like” is: it’s an extra special “like” (swipe right) that you can give to someone’s profile. I suppose someone on the executive team at Tinder thought that a “like” wasn’t good enough and came up with the brilliant idea and then decided to put it right next to the “X” (hell no) button.
Exhibit A: The current Tinder app screen. Super-like is the blue star.
Along similar lines, the constant updates to the apps are ridiculous. Dating is complicated enough. On top of that you also have to deal with a new, redesigned look and new features on each of the apps every few months. I am trying to find a man. Not play a video game. Sheesh! This is also how I know I am getting to old for this shit. It might be time to look into the Our Time dating app. I bet they don’t change the look and how to use their site every month like the others.
Success story posts they shove in your face. Get out of here with your happy endings. I’ve just swiped (all lefts) for 45 minutes straight with my upper lip snarled up because I’ve been so repulsed with the profiles I’ve seen. I don’t want to see this sappy post with this “ I knew immediately she was my future wife “ B.S. from Jon and Katie:
Give me something I can relate to like: “Meet our latest so far so good story: Katie and Jon. Katie had swiped through so many profiles she developed carpal tunnel and just when she was about to give up on men and get a forth cat, she matched with Jon. He was horrible at answering questions and keeping the conversation going but Katie is no quitter and pressed on. Katie had to be the alpha and instigate the first date and they ended up having a pretty decent time. Jon was a gentleman, interesting, and wanted commitment. However he was short and lived at home with his parents but Katie realized you can’t have it all. And here they are happy … for now”. That caption would be a hell of a lot more relatable. I hope you’re taking notes Bumble social media team.
The high compatibility matches the apps assign you really make you question who you are as a person. When I was on Match.com I do have to admit that the list of 25 high compatibility suitors I would wake up to every morning was decent. But that was back in 2013-2015 in the good ole days before online dating turned to complete trash. Most apps also have compatibility tests you can take to further affirm that you are apparently a 95% match to someone really questionable and strange that you could never see yourself with. It makes you wonder who designs these tests. The site with the strangest, most out of left field compatibility tests I’ve seen is OkCupid. I sort of felt like some of the questions were slipped in there as a joke:
Traveling automatically makes you more attractive somehow. It’s strange. Every time I have traveled, whether it be to Denver, Austin, Chicago, Louisville, Portland etc. I am 1000X more in demand. Heck, even when driving to Riverside or Ventura County for the day for work I was more popular. See what happens when you travel (or at least when I do), is you get these pop ups on your phone telling you how many men are interested in you:
Truly makes you question where you live. Also makes me think that all the men in the Orange County/Los Angeles area are sick of seeing my profile and wonder “how in the hell is this chick still single? She must be batshit crazy!”. Nope. But give me a few more years doing the online dating thing and I’ll be close.
Annoying reminders throughout the day that you are single AF. It will be 10:30am in the middle of a work day and a dating app notification will pop up on my phone. I was doing so good being a focused, career minded, I-don’t-need-no-man independent woman with a cat in my lap while I work, and then bam!… a little note from Tinder to remind me that I better get swiping as I am missing out on matches. Ridiculous.
You can get kicked off the apps for doing nothing wrong. So the apps allow you to report people for various reasons but they don’t ask for any support of that accusation. For whatever reason I was kicked off of Plenty of Fish (POF) and whenever I go to create a new profile it won’t let me. Am I eager to get back POF? No, not really as it is the same crowd as all the other sites, but it was where I seemed to get many of my best laughs and cringe worthy messages. A sick part of me almost misses it. Take me back POF. I’m sorry for whatever I did.
You can actually run out of men. WTF!?! This makes one feel real good. Almost makes you consider batting for the other team. This has happened to me a number of times:
Invite your friends pop ups. Really? Online dating is the type of painful groundhog day like struggle that I would only wish upon my very worst enemy. I would never invite my friends to partake is this disaster. Ok, maybe if we wanted to have some laughs together. But I’m pretty sure I get enough content on my own, no need to have someone else subjected to this as well.
The ads that pop up. Within the last few years the number of ads that pop on Tinder or Bumble have gotten out of hand. And often times these ads will have a good looking man it in. It throws you off, like wait, “can I match with him?” or “is he a choice/!?!”. For instance Chris Pratt was in this The Tomorrow War ad and that teaser was not cool Tinder. I also feel bad for the poor guy whose profile comes right after Chris Pratt’s.
The sites can use your profile for their ads. I had this happen to me on Match.com a few years ago. I can’t say that I ever saw the ad, but one day I woke up to a TON of messages from men all over the US. One of the guys mentioned in their message to me that he had “seen my profile in one of the banner ads”. I imagine I must have signed some acknowledgment for acceptable of using my information when I signed up, but still… creepy.
Prompts you have to fill out now. Within the last two years or so the apps have adopted this new profile prompts feature. I hate these for two key reasons:
(1) they are a cop out that men can use to not actually have to write anything thoughtful about themselves. To me it feels like a result of people not willing to put in an effort to writing a decent profile blurb so now the sites just allow people to pick 3 of these supposed conversation starters and that becomes their profile.
(2) they are often abused [recall the “I will fall for you if….you trip me” examples I have posted in a prior post], or they serves as just another place aside from the header profile “About me” section for men to slip in something creepy.
A few of the best (meaning worst) uses of the prompts I’ve come across lately:
The whole “verified account” this is shady. That blue shield (Bumble)/ blue check mark (Tinder) next to person’s name means that the great folks at Bumble or Tinder have supposedly “verified” this mans’ account and he is who he says he is. Dear Bumble: you cannot tell me that you “verified” that this dude’s name is ItalianStallion:
And to the Tinder admin team: what is your SOP for verifying and approving a person whose main profile photo has them with their index finger knuckle deep in their nose? Very classy. Blue check mark stamp of approval for Luis!
There is a new dating app every week. The fear of FOMO is real. I’ve definitely been a victim of this. You hear about the newest dating app and how great it is and you join, only to realize one day in that it’s the same shit just in a different app format you have learn.
The age double standard. I am not joking the second I turned 30 on match.com I was automatically matched with the 40 year old + men age group, linking me up all the twice divorced, already have kids and looking for a trophy wife crowd. You think that same shit happens when men turn 30 on Match.com? I think not. Let me know if you know otherwise.
They play the “there’s so many fish in the sea” card, and they play it hard. I’ve used this line in a post before: “the odds are good but the goods are odd” when it comes to online dating and that couldn’t be more true. The apps play it out like “oh, it’s so great, there are so many happy, high quality people on here just waiting to mingle.” Not true. The sea is full of creepy, immature, and/or emotionally unavailable men who do not know what they are looking for.
The titles of the apps are misleading. Case in point: “Elite Singles”. I joined this site back in 2016 thinking that it was something I hadn’t tried and believed the hype that it was supposed to be full of successful men looking for a more serious dating experience. Welp…. Turns out ANYONE can join Elite Singles, no matter how un-elite they are. And all my interactions for the six months I was on the site were with extremely socially awkward men who I assume were intimidated by the better looking and more sociable crowd on the other “less elite” sites. Makes one wonder if you have to prove that you own farm to be on the Farmers Only app. I actually found the complaint I wrote to the Elite Singles customer service when my subscription ended. Hilarious:
I’m the Karen of online dating. Ha!
Instantaneous updates to your age the literal second your birthday hits. I’m not joking, the second the clock changes from 11:59pm on September 14th to 12:00am on my birthday the 15th, my age immediately turns up a year. I was born at 10:30pm you jerks… give me those extra hours to not be yet another year older and still online dating. Or better yet, maybe give me a week or so to adjust to the new age. Damn.
You have to either get lucky, bargain shop, or buy a Ferrari. There are the free sites, those that are about $20-30 a month which are basically the same crowd as the free apps, and then lastly you have the professional match maker sites that are I kid you not are tens of thousands of dollars to just start the matchmaking process. Where is the middle road? Like can I give someone $500 to go stand outside the grocery store and hand out fliers with my headshot and little “About Me” piece on them? Seems like that would be more worth the money.
Closing this out with a funny story: There was actually a job opening for “Quality Assurance Manager” at Tinder that I came across on LinkedIn. Being in Quality Assurance as my current career AND having been a victim of online dating for the last 8+ years, you better believe I applied just for shits and giggles. Those jerks didn’t pick me, I actually didn’t even get an interview. In hindsight I should have had the balls to include the link to this here blog in my application. But your loss Tinder… I would have had a TON of feedback and suggestions for how to improve your site and user experience.
