I’ll be honest that I have just about given up on online dating as far as it being a potential way to meet “the one”. But, the entertainment value alone makes sticking around and participating in online dating well worth it. I had a LOT of fun putting together this post of the best (and by “best” I mean most awful, creepy and hilarious) intro lines that I’ve gotten. Enjoy! And my apologies in advance if you cringe or throw up a little bit in your mouth as you go through these. This post will 100% give you an idea what it is like to be a female on an online dating site.
In no particular order….
In all fairness “Hey” isn’t really trying. I feel like a few more efforts could have been made before whipping out the fact that he was packing 9 ”
I love that he follows up with how much money he makes per hour. As if to say “baby you are worth 6.667 hours of work day. ” So sweet.
Wow, thanks for making me feel like I might not need that second helping of mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving dinner.
And speaking of ass, us women like a nice behind on a guy. Men take note of the above.
So he just slipped that in there. No pun intended.
This question obviously keeps Dr. Awesome up at night. Poor guy.
When the friends with benefits of 3+ years thinks it’s funny to message you online out of no where. Threw this in there just for fun. What is wrong with us in that we are still both single? 
Ew. Just ew. And there’s more where this came from.
For those of you not up to speed on what a cuckold is, look it up. You learn something new everyday. You’re welcome.
Where is this conversation really going to go from here?
Me: “yes, yes I have.”
Him: “Wow! We have so much in common because I have a big dick. Would you like to meet for coffee and see what else we have in common?”
I told you there was more of this.
Third time is NOT a charm. Fun fact: there is a lot of “copy paste” messages that go on in the online dating world ( men copy pasting the same message to multiple women for the sake of efficiency) where you will get the same long, drawn out seemingly genuine message from the same guy like a month apart. But was this really something worthy of the “copy paste”?
What a gentlemen! And “godspeed”. Who says that now days? Definitely one of the more memorable messages though. Thanks Tony.
On a scale of 1-10 how good of a “blo” jobber are you? This guy….yuck.
This guy was “just looking for a hook up” and I told him that was not in my interest and I didn’t want to talk and waste his time or mine. We parted ways but not before he gave me some valuable life advice.
If you use all CAPS I think you’re lying. Or compensating for something else.
Okay so no caps this time, but just as laughable. Dude couldn’t wait five minutes for a reply before having to pull out the “huge dick” line.
I was trying to have a little fun with this guy. I don’t think he got it.
Probably don’t want to admit that right off the bat. True as it may be. I’d like to point out at this time that I am 5’2″ on a tall day.
This one may help to explain the one above it.
You lost me at “I’m married but”. And he did say “women”. Not a grammatical error, but rather the truth.
Gag. I need a shower.
Points for creativity, but still just as creepy.
All these crazy women out there sending men pussy pictures are making it hard for a nice girl like me.
P.S. Don’t ask me what I was thinking giving this guy my number.
Wow. Sounds so enjoyable. When do we start.
More like pinnacle of creepiness.
Well that’s a different approach.
Why do so many men feel the need to refer to their penises in the intro message? See previous post about dick picks. Us women are really not won over by the beauty and size of your penises. Sorry to break it to you guys.
I thought she was cute so I figured it best to extend the offer to tear her apart- Guy logic.
I feel as if this guy and I would have great conversation.
He looked it up. Bahahaha! 
I have a feeling I know where this is going. And you really need to capitalize your name “frank” in order for me to take you seriously. So many men make that mistake by the way. Seriously, you can’t make the effort to capitalize your name? I’ll take Jeff (with a capital “J” instead).
Knee jerk reaction was to say “I’d do it for free”, but part of me also wanted to pry a little more as to why a good looking, buff white guy would be asking such a question. I should have known.
You know what?…. I take that prior comment back, maybe I am a little afraid of hooking up with a black guy again. Been a while since my last encounter with a “velvet monster”.
Ah… nothing like a little acknowledgment that the squats are paying off and I am making a solid contribution to fighting the myth of flat white girl booty.
And lastly, I did not know that I could be grossed out without words…. but there you have it. Thank you emojis for bringing about a whole new language for us women to be offended by.
Closing:
Ladies reading this who have a husband/boyfriend/fiance you’re thinking right now that he really isn’t that bad, right?
Single ladies: I hope you’ve realized you are not alone. All of the sudden a boring “hey” message doesn’t seem so bad. Or maybe I am the only one who gets this trash. If you don’t, consider yourself lucky.
Men: See….you guys really are THAT bad. Seriously though, I hope you realize that us women know that you are not ALL like this. There are some nice, genuine men out there online. But, there are enough of you who are like this to make us women cringe at the thought of putting up an online dating profile. Please know this approach does not work. Not even on me and I am extremely think skinned (reminder: I work with all men in a factory) and have a pretty inappropriate sense of humor. Stick to the nice, thoughtful messages. Ask her about something specific she mentioned in her profile. Comment on a particular feature of hers (smile, eyes, hair, sense of style etc), but stay away from butt and boob references. You can think it, just don’t say it. That is more third date conversation 🙂