We are not talking about pick up lines here. The ridiculous, vulgar, and cringe worthy pick up lines I’ve gotten will be another post. This piece is about the absurd, offensive, weird/make you scratch your head things that men have said to me straight to my face on a date:
- “I don’t normally date blondes”. I have heard this at least 5 times to my face on a date. I stopped counting. Always from a white guy. Never from a black, Middle Eastern or Hispanic guy. Through years of hands on social studies I started when I was 15 years young, I have found that blondes are their kryptonite. And much love back at you brown and chocolate men! Seriously though where do you go after that “your hair color doesn’t do it for me” comment? Like hello buddy, I had several photos posted, and the profile said “blonde” under the hair color section.
- “I normally date models. You’re short”. Hmmmm that’s nice…. I normally date smart, good-looking men with muscles… yet here we are. Again, the profile said I was 5’2” and an athletic build. Need I say more?
- “You’d look good with a boob job” . Wow, well you’d look good with an education and some respect but we can’t always get what we want. Even funnier, this was a guy who begged me for a date. Why would you even say that then? Again, posted photos clearly showed that I was not blessed in that department. And unless you are offering to buy me a boob job (of course I would keep it to something tasteful like a full C), then we are not going out again.
- “I didn’t think you’d be smart”. Ironically, this guy and I actually dated for 4 months after he said this to my face on a first date. We had a great time that night and ended meeting up the next morning at his gym for a hang over cure workout. I did a good job proving him wrong. This ended up being one of my best online dating mini relationships. Again, my profile said that I had a Masters in Science degree by 23 and that I was intelligent and seeking the same. Yet, he expected dumb blonde.
(Intermission): What have we learned from situations 1-4 above? Um, that men do not read dating profiles and/or have very selective information absorption. Are you guys not paying attention? Unfortunately I do think a lot of it comes down to photos and the immediate attraction that you have to someone’s looks. And I am just as guilty. But the super critical Virgo/Quality Assurance manager in me reads men’s profiles very closely and sorts through them making mental highlight notes in my mind. If I see that a guy writes that he has a slender build and just a high school education I am not going to agree to a date and then meet up and say “Wow, I thought you’d be buffer and have a more extensive vocabulary” in person. Okay back to the list….
5. “Is that real? “ (referring to my hair… not my butt). And then proceeding to tug on a big chunk of hair while they go on to explain that they thought it was extensions and they had to check. If you’re used to dating woman with hair extensions I am probably not your type. Also, just out of curiosity, how does that normally work out for you when you tug on a girl’s hair and it comes out? I would imagine that the date does not go well from there.
6. “I’m running late, but don’t worry, no rush. I got us a hotel room”. This was the first date people. With 38 year old supposedly grown ass man. I stuck around for a half hour past when he was supposed to arrive just to see what a tool this guy was and then finally left when he still didn’t arrive.
7. “I could never introduce you to my family”. Always the fan of interracial dating, I was seeing a 23 year old Lebanese guy when I was 17. Yes, you read that correctly. Not sure what my mom was thinking letting me go out with an older guy in high school. Mom? He was a Good Guys employee who had asked me for my number after installing a CD player in my car. Anyways, we had being going out for a few months when he broke it to me that since I was a white girl his parents would never approve. Way to kill the vibe. Shame. He was nice. He bought me a star for my birthday named after me.
8. “I was in an accident a few years ago and my brain was damaged and I was set back to a 4th grade learning level”. Okay…before you all call me a cold bitch for making light of this, what would you do in my shoes? This is red flag and concerning at the least. Like what else is not right with this guy and the wiring of his brain now? Sorry, but that was my cue to chug my vodka tonic and get the date over with by making some excuse that I was tired.
9. “You are the type of woman my dad warned me about”. I had to ask him to explain this one, and actually it ended up being a compliment. Or at least I took it as one. He said that his dad warned him about women who were independent, smart and outspoken. Check, check check. No arguing there. He was the type of guy I warn myself about, but seem to always fall for- muscles, good looking, confident, smooth talker. I figured the date was going nowhere positive. I was right. Don’t know what got into me, but I proceeded to have a few too many Long Island ice teas that night and when I got home I threw up in the toilet and held my own damn hair. If that’s not independent I know what is! First and last date with him.
10. “You’re uptight and you need to loosen up”. This needs the background story first: this guy was in the business of marijuana legalization and I had agreed to go out when him because otherwise he seemed pretty “normal” and like a good catch. He showed up completely high to the date and within the first five minutes he starts arguing with me about why I needed to smoke and chill more . Now I have nothing against smoking weed but for the first minutes of a date to be confrontational was uncalled for. Also I would hope that someone could show up NOT under the influence on a first date. I said that to him to which he replied that “being high is [his] normal”.
P.S. I realize that the above would make any single female dread the dating scene, but I’ve been on a LOT of dates and these undesirable comments are few and far between. Also, it comes with the territory of putting yourself out there in the dating scene. People are weird, and not everyone knows how to be respectful. But that is the risk you are signing up for when agreeing to meet up with strangers to see if you hit it off. You develop thicker skin and a learn a lot about yourself in the process. That I can assure you.