So it’s Valentine’s Day huh? I hadn’t noticed…. That’s a lie. I totally noticed. I noticed every time I had to walk through the Valentine’s Day candy and gifts section of the grocery store to get to the cat food and kitty litter section. What heartless cruel person sets up the store that way anyways? Geez. To make it even more depressing of a day, Valentine’s Day used to be my anniversary. The date my thus far love of my life (who is now married with a kid….. one of us clearly moved on) asked me to be his girlfriend back at the tender young age of 19. We went on to spend eight Valentine’s Days celebrating together. In hindsight maybe I should have appreciated that more. Hindsight is a bitch! Valentine’s Day was fun back then. You’d buy each other stupid gifts like heart print boxers and fuzzy handcuffs which never got used. You all know you have those in the back of your closet somewhere.
Flash forward to Valentines Day in your 30 ‘s when you are so extremely single that you can’t even remember the last time you got the D, and it’s pretty lame. I know…. it’s just another day. Right. That’s what you attached people say as you get flowers delivered to your office or go out for a nice dinner together or snuggle on the couch with your significant other. But after six consecutive Valentine’s Days spent alone, the day is like an unfortunate anniversary for me. An annual reminder of “Congratulations you are single AF for another year!”. So that might be a little dramatic, but seriously, I am actually getting worried that I forgot how to date/be with someone.
I mean I am pretty emotionally stable depending on the time of the month and it’s not like I spend the whole day mopping around and then crying to myself to sleep at night while eating straight out of a jar of peanut butter (I only did that in 2013 when I was at my most fragile, newly single state), but it does kind of suck when you have the reality check of sitting there watching Sex and the City reruns on the evening of Valentine’s Day with your cat while you are thumbing through Bumble profiles.
And you never realize how many friends you have until they all start getting engaged or announcing pregnancies on Valentine’s Day (or other holidays for that matter). Like where are all you ladies finding these men? And do they have brothers? Do they have dads? ……What….? I’m getting desperate here.
Sadly, even the gym isn’t safe for singles on Valentine’s Day. I recall going one year that evening since I had nothing better to do. There were these adorable fit couples working out in the gym together and it was depressing because it made me think about how I want my swolemate to lift with. Even the leg day feel good endorphins couldn’t fight that feeling off. You couples need to do us solo/single gym warriors a favor and just stay out of the gym on Valentine’s Day. Consider it your good deed for the day.
And the Fifty Shades of Grey films need to chill and stop releasing anti-climatic sequels until I find someone to watch them with. Every time I see or hear an ad for another one it is a reminder of just how long I have been single. And along similar lines, the radio and TV….the ads for flowers, candy, jewelry and engagement rings are always a nice slap in the face that I am not getting any of those things for yet another year. I don’t even like flowers and candy and it still gets me down. I would like some new body jewelry though. If the man of my dreams is reading this take note….body bling = way to my heart. With my new job I am spending a lot time driving in the car listening to the radio and I swear they know when I am headed home from a long day and sort of lonely knowing that I am just coming home to my adorable cat Nacho and then boom…..Adele “Someone Like You” or “Hello” on multiple stations. Like even when you flip the channel she is there. Why? How? There needs to be a safe zone radio station around this time of year for us single people where depressing love songs and jewelry and flower adds are not allowed. Actually this is probably why I am a huge fan of KDAY the old school rap station. Dr. Dre, DMX and bail bond ads would never do me wrong or make me think about my being lonely on Valentine’s Day.
And all the lingerie ads on the TV make me think of the drawer full of the adorable lingerie I have that sees absolutely no action. Shame that I work out everyday like crazy and I never get to prance around in them. This is the most action that any of it has seen in years:
I wish I could say that I staged the above, but this was a result of my not shutting the underwear drawer enough and my little man Nacho digging all the contents out and then selecting his favorite pair to pose with on the bed as if to mock me.
Valentine’s Day for whatever reason also makes me think of exes and where they are now. In particular how most of them have all found someone and are now married, have kids or are in serious relationships. What did I do in a past life to make it so impossible for me to meet someone I click with mentally AND physically AND who wants the same things as me AND wants to stick around. Are there just one to many “AND’s” in that wish list? I am I asking for too much?
And don’t even get me started on the online dating sites on Valentine’s Day. Match.com actually has the nerve to send me a Happy Valentine’s Day email encouraging me to get online and search for singles in my area. Dear Match….. you are LAST people I want to hear from on this day. Just makes me think about the fact that I have been paying you $25 per month for the last 5+ years and that by now I could have purchased myself an engagement ring (which is actually looking like the best approach to take given my situation).
(This is an actual email that Match.com sent to me around Valentine’s Day last year. And see that “*” ? That refers to the small print and the sad truth that 145,310 of them are un-dateable. But I am glutton for punishment and I like a challenge so I keep searching for that one. There must be finer print somewhere saying that he is taken already or that I accidentally swiped left on him and now he’s lost forever.
Then there are the other online dating site ads that increase around this time of year especially on Facebook and Instagram. They pop up all the time on my feed. How do they know it’s me? Do you coupled up people get these too? Like it’s not tormenting enough scrolling through social media and seeing cute couple photos, #MCM’s, baby photos, engagement announcements etc. Intermingled amoungst all the aforementioned forms of single person torture I get ads for Zoosk, and pop ups asking me “Have you tried these top 3 dating sites?”. Yes… I have. And they suck and here I am. Still single and just about given up. I mean I still search the pages of match.com or swipe through Bumble profiles on a daily basis hoping that maybe I will come across that male unicorn, diamond in the rough that I am looking for, but that glimmer of hope is fading. Even my dad saw an ad the other day for Elite Singles and told my mom “maybe Dana [my nickname at home] should try that”. I had to remind my parents I had already tried that site and it was full of really unattractive, seemingly social awkward and not really “Elite” men.
And back to Facebook/social media for a second… you couples who post those couple surveys of “who said I love you first?, “who hogs the remote?”, “who has the worst temper?” blah blah blah…. You make me want to roll my eyes, cry and keep reading at the same time. I secretly hate you because I want to think that maybe someday I will get to fill one of these out. Sigh.
As of late Valentine’s Day has been fondly refered to as “Singles’ Awareness Day”. Is it a coincidence the acronym for that is “S.A.D.”? Hmm…. I think not! And here’s a brilliant idea if you really want to make it a nice day for us and less “SAD” : I think that single people should get free stuff on Valentine’s Day. You know like free coffee at Starbucks, free admittance to Disneyland, free sandwiches at Subway etc… This is to make up for the hundreds, if not thousands of dollars that us fabulous flying solo people had had to pay for all you coupled up people’s wedding showers/ wedding gifts, bridesmaid dresses, baby showers, engagement parties, the list goes on. It is only fair. Retailers… get on board.
I think that even single men (though I they might not admit it) get lonely around Valentine’s Day. I am making this assumption because in the past few weeks I have had a handful of men from my past come back from the dead and try so edge their way back in with texts of “What are you doing tonight?” and “Remember me?”. Nothing…. I am doing nothing, and my only child self is quite happy with that.
I realize this whole post sounds a little bitter but writing this was therapeutic, and I am really I am just expressing the frustrations and random thoughts that every single woman has around this “holiday”. I am sure that anyone (male or female) can say they related at some point in their life. I really do hope my situation is different next year because times a wasting and biological clocks are ticking!
I will leave you with this. I saw the above statement in a Self Magazine a while back. That fine print underneath says “The Journal of Sexual Medicine”. Assuming that they a credible source, I am going to have to get going and get to bed soon. Tomorrow is a new year and it marks 365 more days I have until the next Valentines Day to lock down a man so I don’t need to spend it alone. I plan on getting enough sleep to start it off on the right foot! Sweet dreams everyone. Hope your Valentine’s Day had a lot more “V” and/or “D” than mine did.
-D